I don't know if Dr. Laura coined the term "warrior wife," but I like it, it sounds strong, commanding, like a woman who can withstand anything. In her book, "In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms," she gave this title to women like us, military wives, wives of policemen, firemen, etc. who don't necessarily know when or if their husbands will be home each evening for, "company, love, reassurance, and a break..."Well, calling yourself a warrior wife and actually being one are two very different things aren't they? These days with the hormones of a second pregnancy, my husbands pending deployment and the realization that he will be far away when his little boy or girl is born leaves me feeling more like a wimpy wife than a warrior one.
Dr. Laura goes on to say, "You warrior wives have to dig deep inside to find the strength to be independent without being bitter. Where you have extended families, 'fellow' wives, or church groups to be helpful-accept the help!"
I find the things that make me feel less wimpy and more warrior like are: other warrior wives, supportive family, going to church, serving others, counting my blessings, looking for the positives in a situation...even if I have to make them up at first, eventually I start believing them and the inner warrior wife starts to make its way to the surface. These things are simple, very Pollyanaesk, but they work.
In the end, I think I just appreciated a small bit of recognition in a book from a smart lady who cared enough to vindicate that our lives can be "especially difficult." But who also encourages us to earn the title of "warrior wife" and push through the pain and bitterness and accept help and I think more importantly offer help. We are all in this together-let that warrior out wifeys!
They wont send your DH home for the birth of your baby?! That's harsh, even for the military. Going through childbirth without your husband truly makes you a warrior.
ReplyDeleteI echo your thoughts about appreciating the title but not really relishing it. So many people say things like, "I just don't know how you do it" or "I could never do that".
We do it because what other choice do we have?? Not because we're naturally made of something stronger and chose this life, but because we love our husbands, and they chose this life, and we had to adjust in order to follow them.
Don't feel wimpy just because you aren't enjoying the circumstances. You realize they're hard. That's part of being brave. Courage isn't seeking out danger, it's facing it when it approaches, and fighting even when you hate it. In your case, fighting is wiping away tears, getting up even when you're weary, and holding your home together despite the ever lengthening lonliness. For you it will be proving you can deliver a baby on your own. Many women have had to do that, and I think it's fair to say most of them do not have a loving and supportive husband who eventually will back to hold that baby, and hold you. Your victory for fighting a worthy fight.
My husband once referred to me as a "warrior wife." I liked the sound. The reality, not so much. Do I always feel like a warrior? No. But I figure that anyone who is handed her spouse's will "in case you need it" is entitled to her weepy days.
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