Wednesday, April 24, 2013

How do your spend you life?

The first time I read this quote I was in Graduate School.  I was dreading my days. I was waking up early to make the commute to school and getting home late and exhausted.  I didn't love the program and I didn't love my major professor.  I had so much experience from my undergrad, I felt like grad school wasn't as challenging and that my professor just didn't have confidence in me.  When I read this quote it just hit my soul.  I was not happy spending my days in dread.  Sneaking out the back stairs so that I didn't have to walk past his office is well, immature and really sad. 

After much debate and fear, I talked with my professor and told him I would not be returning for the following semester.  I was walking away from an assistantship that was paying for my tuition and my even paying me for my work.  I felt disappointed in myself for quitting.  The worst part was that I quite with no where else to go- no other job, no grand plans.  I just knew that I wasn't happy and I didn't want my days to add up to a life of unhappiness.  I feel blessed that I was brave enough to do what I needed to do to be happy.  Sometimes doing what makes us happy is the hardest thing.

Our last days together as a family were not carefully orchestrated.  There was no time for the special plans we had made now.  DH was not deployable. So instead of spending time together doing special activites, DH hacked away at his check list.  One night we stayed up late working on our wills.  Another night it was a lesson in banking and bill paying.  Because we only had such a short amount of time to prepare, we didn't dwell on daddy's departure much with the kids.  (We had mentioned earlier to LB that daddy would be leaving for a long time to fly his plane).  Instead we went about our lives just like we always do.  We went to play groups, ran errands, and followed our routines.   

Our little family did manage to take a quick road trip right before DH left- something that isn't too out of the ordinary for us.  As we were driving down beautiful Highway 1 in Northern California, the quote returned to my always busy mind.  I actually chuckled out loud as the quote came back to me.  We were spending our days just as we always do.  In that moment I felt so blessed.  My life is so sweet and full that we did not have to do anything amazing and grand.  What we do everyday, was indeed, the best way to spend out last days together.  This time the quote was a comfort and a reassurance.  I am spending my days filled with family, work, laughter, and dedication.  Although it is not grand, this is indeed how I want to spend my life and how blessed am I that we are on the right track.   

PS we did manage to have a special celebration with DH before he left.  We had a cupcake made for every major celebration he would miss out on.  The kids loved- I think we all did.

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